physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
