So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
