Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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