I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
