we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
