My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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