Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
