I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize