im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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