i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
