some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
