I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
