Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
