Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Actions speak louder than pants.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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