we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize