I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
