Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
