so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
