That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
