Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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