Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
