Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
