Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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