found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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