She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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