remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
