Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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