That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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