the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
