what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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