Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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