Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
