I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
