You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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