is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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