I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
