i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
