is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
