Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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