Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
