I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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