"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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