she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
