I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
