Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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