Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
