i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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