He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
