a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize