Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
