You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize