I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
