I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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