Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
