YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize