I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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