Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize