we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
