I feel great
I just peed on a car
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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