we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize