I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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