Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
