The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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