Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
