so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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