My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
