After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
