Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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