just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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