that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
