he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
