i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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