I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
