Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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