are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
