oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
