the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
